Me Rambling about Random stuff…

1. How Old Would You Be If You Didn’t Know How Old You Were?

OK so I told y’all in the previous post that I was going to be doing these questions that are supposed to free your mind, and this is number one.  I don’t intend to answer them all in order, but I figure starting with number one would be good exercise.

1. How Old Would You Be If You Didn’t Know How Old You Were?

My interpretation of this questions is not that I would wish I was a certain age, but moreso like if I was never told of birthdays growing up, and was suddenly explained the subject of them at my current age, how old would I feel I am.

It’s crazy because if you had have asked me this question last fall, you’d probably get something similar to the age I actually am (25).  Right now, I would say I’m 33.  Since the beginning of 2010 I’ve just dealt with a lot of things that have worn on me and given me cause for stress.  Towards the beginning of the year I was arrested and spent the night in jail (don’t ask…LONG story).  It seems that I rung in the year with relationship problems that have been back and forth the whole year.

School has been especially stressful.  I get playful teasing from a lot of my friends about my age (most of them are 18-21) and on most days that doesn’t bother me, but on some days it does.  It’s a reminder of past failures that I continue to punish myself for sometimes.  It’s a reminder that I’ve fallen behind many others I was ahead of when I graduated high school.

Another thing that makes me feel older is the experiences I guess you could say I’ve been “blessed” with.  I have an extensive amount of job experience, with multiple stops being management.  I’ve done my fair share of traveling and meeting new people.  I’ve been to three different schools, so I have a multitude of friends from all over the nation.  I’ve met awesome people on and offline that have proven themselves to be a blessing in my life.  Mentally, I feel I’m steps ahead of people my age.

I think if I could simply rid myself of some of the major stresses in my life, I’d feel something closer to my age.  For right now…I’ll stick with 33.

50 Questions that Will Free Your Mind

So I know the few readers I have remember my last post about lacking motivation right?  Well thanks to April Rose, a great writer/blogger and future sports journalist (she maintains a personal blog found at http://hernameisaprilrose.com/), I just may have found some.  She sent me this link to a blog that offers “pracitcal tips for productive living.”

It can be found at http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/

On this particular entry, it features 50 questions that are supposed to be thought provoking.  It mentions that they have no right or wrong answers, and I’m hoping by answering these, it can help my writing to become more uninhibited.  I’ve realized that I protect myself a lot more than I really realize, or care to.  Everything I do and say is so damn calculated, and I want to break myself from that.  I’ve protected myself from the world so much, that I don’t realize I’m inside of what appears to be a room full of glass walls.    I’m just, so tired of having these walls up…feeling like I have to protect myself emotionally from, well, the world and everyone in it.   I’ve realized that I have a mild case of abandonment issues, which probably ultimately stem back to my father dippin’ out when I was young, but also to some relationship issues I’ve had.

It’s funny, because I protect myself from…wow…being happy.  It’s weird because I can fall “in love” with someone, and have them fall deeper in love with me, yet they still never know me really.  I don’t let them all the way in, which is probably what leads me to being so flighty when it comes to my interest in women.  They say that’s a characteristic of a Libra.  Anyway…I didn’t mean to start rambling on about something…as this post wasn’t meant to answer any questions.

Anyway, here’s the questions if you’re interested.  My intentions are to have them all answered on my blog by the end of summer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Any of these sound interesting to y’all?

No inspiration..

So I know I’ve kind of left my oh so many readers hanging in regards to my writing.  I guess my reply to that would be that I simply have not been inspired to write lately.  I’ve been searching and searching for that inspiration, and I think I finally have found some.

So, those who know me know that I have a love affair with the St. Louis Rams.  They sucked last year, and have for the past few seasons, I know.  Hell I see it first hand because I work for them during the season.  I’ve been thinking that around draft time, I want to start a Rams blog.  I figure I already work for them getting quotes from players and the like, so I kind of already have the inside track.  I think it can be very successful, and I actually am pretty excited about it.

I think once I get my funds right, I’m going to get my good friend Niki to design an awesome logo for me, and I’m going to shoot for the stars from there.  Keep a look out for that.

So, the title of my blog is “No Inspiration.”  I don’t think that just applies to my writing.  I’ve noticed a lack of inspiration for much lately.  I’m content with just sitting and doing nothing, and I don’t like that.  I’ve gotten into one of those moods lately where I’m kind of too myself (in addition to being very busy lately).  This usually happens a couple of times a year, so it’s not too big of a deal, I’m just ready for this time to be over I guess.  I wouldn’t necessarily say anything is wrong, because this is something that’s normal for me.  So many things have just been rocky in this 2010th year, that I guess I’m just tired, and I’m losing that vigor I usually have.

To sum it up, I got arrested on some bulldonkery in January, my relationship has had more than normal trouble (which I don’t think I’ll go into and further right now, my money has been funny, and  my best friend is getting married.  I’m just tired y’all lol.  I’m ready for a change.  I’m ready for my life to change, and everyone keeps saying that I have to be the catalyst for that change, and I understand their points.  However, the change I’m looking for cannot happen until after graduation, which is in December.

I don’t know….I guess I know things will get better, but that’s not very comforting at the moment.

Lindenwood…you have failed us.

Reggie Noble

MLK Day

“Lindenwood University is committed to affording cultural enrichment to the surrounding community.”  This is one of the many bullet points listed in LU’s mission statement.  The mission statement also mentions a belief in “…an ordered, purposeful universe, the dignity of work, the worth and integrity of the individual, the obligations and privileges of citizenship, and the primacy of the truth.”

Those are some of the same shared Judeo-Christian beliefs of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who this country annually commemorates on the third Monday of every January.  MLK Day has been recognized by every state as a federal holiday since 1999, and as a paid federal holiday since 2000.  This January semester, to many students surprise, there were no classes scheduled for this day.  In addition to that, there were two other days noted as “off” days for students during the three week J-Term.

Imagine my horror when I was notified that our make-up snow day would happen not on January 15 (a scheduled off day), not on January 22 (another scheduled off day), but on January 18, MLK Day.  It would seem to me that making up that snow day would be better served during one of the other two off days the school scheduled, rather than on a federal holiday, honoring a man who shares a lot of the beliefs and values of which this school was founded.  This is especially a thorn in this writer’s side when remembering that just last spring semester, we were excused from classes to celebrate “Sibley Day.”

Lindenwood claims to be a center of cultural enrichment for its students.  As a Black-American student at Lindenwood, I must say Lindenwood has fallen short, and I am sorely disappointed.  I am disappointed that the powers that be would not choose to honor King’s legacy on this day by choosing to make up the snow day on one of the other days off.  This was a chance for Lindenwood to truly make a statement, and they made the wrong one.  Instead of proclaiming that LU would remain in honor of his legacy, President Evans and the other decision makers have made it blatantly clear that MLK Day is simply the third Monday in January.  Now that’s “Cultural Enrichment 101.”

NY Times Report Brings Different Perspective

Subline: Journalist David Rhodes causes a stir with his unique reporting on being a Taliban prisoner.

A New York Times 5-part series by David Rhodes has caused an uproar among the newspaper’s critics.  Rhodes’ series on his experiences while being held as a Taliban prisoner for 7 months, and his daring escape following, has caused readers and critics to complain because it is in fact told by the writer.

Aside from including Rhodes’ commentary, the online version of the story also included other multimedia tools such as videos, maps, and charts, helping to expound on Rhodes’ voice-over narrating.

Although the field of journalism is moving towards a state of convergence, this amount of convergence was a daring step.  It went beyond the normal process for writing an article, by allowing the writer to be the feature.  Is this the new form of journalism?If so, it has rubbed many old school journalistic traditionalists the wrong way.

Traditional journalism says the writer finds an angle, interviews sources, gathers information, then writes the story in one of the traditional formats (inverted pyramid, martini glass, etc.).  This brings a whole new meaning to letting your sources tell your story.  The New York Times, however, has taken the idea of converged media, and created something totally new and groundbreaking.

The editor could have easily had another writer to interview Rhodes and write an objective feature on him, and still included other interactive tools, such as video, maps, etc.  Instead, the NY Times editor puts his reputation on the line, and toes the edge by allowing Rhodes to tell his own story.  This allows the reader/watcher to take in Rhodes’ experience in a whole new way.

Along with the theme of groundbreaking journalistic ideas, a blog idea was also included, where the public could post questions that Rhodes could answer directly.  This makes his story more personal to the readers.

If this innovative form of media convergence becomes the norm, the public, as well as the newspaper industry is in store for big things.  This could change the landscape of how stories are reported, as well as how journalists are taught to report.  Rhodes story not only allows the reader to learn about his story, but it takes the readers inside his experience by using the different media tools included in the article.  If this is the future of journalism, the NY Times is ahead of the learning curve.

Coons, Uncle Toms, and Picaninnies

Recently I saw a movie/documentary on television called “Black Notions.”  The movie highlighted several people in the history of the minstrel show such as T.D. Rice, Reuben Crower, and Bert Williams.

Now for the most part, I was a little put off and offended with the movie, until a certain black professor on the video from Stanford I believe stated that blackface for blacks in the early 20th century was a catch-22. This immediately piqued my interest, as I was curious how, when it appeared to me as utter bafoonery. It explained that, for people like Bert Williams, who actually was one of the top paid entertainers of any color at the time, performing as Jim Crow and shucking and jiving was a means to an end.It helped to put more black people in television and film, as well as made a black man a prominent figure in entertainment.

The movie also explained how the idea of blackface hasn’t disappeared, but only transformed (which I already kinda knew). As I watch movies like Nutty Professor, any Cuba Gooding Jr. movie, reruns of In Living Color (a modern day minstrel), Chappelle Show (although hilarious), and several other movies and television shows, I can’t help but agree. By the way…if any of you haven’t seen Spike Lee’s “Bamboozled”…I would recommend it…if only because it’s stupid…but it’s kinda good in a wierd way.

My question to you this week my good subscribers, is this.  Would you dress up in black face to put food on your table? Would you be willing to change your name to “Uncle Tom” in order to put more money in your pocket? Would you act as a picaninny, tap dancing and eating watermelon for massa just to make a buck?

Stay close…to me…

“At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care for each other…it’s usually a bunch of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by, no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping, and sure sometimes close can be too close, but sometimes that invasion of personal space – it can be exactly what you need.” -Grey’s Anatomy

Saw this on someone else’s page, and I actually remember this episode.

Nevertheless, I think this is really true, and kinda hits home as to some things I’ve been going through. What are you all’s thought’s on this?

Agree? Disagree?

It’s not that I don’t believe in God…

I guess I just wonder if he’s there sometimes.

Maybe it’s because I’m from Missouri, the “Show Me” state. See, I’ve never had that “conversion experience.” It’s like there’s this wall of skepticism up between me and God, and I don’t know what to do to get over it. It’s crazy because I am so NOT a skeptical person. I mean, have things been hard for me before? Sure!! I guess maybe it’s that everything has always ended up alright in the end for me. When things don’t, I look at it like everything can’t always go good for me. I think that a big part of me floats between the explanations being God’s favor & blessings, and the natural balance of how life goes…sometimes things happen for you, other times they don’t.

I know this probably sounds bad, and most of you will probably take it the wrong way, but in a lot of ways, although I truly do believe in God, he is not real to me. Maybe real is too strong of a word. Tangible…yeah…it’s just not tangible to me. So many other people have had that defining moment, where God becomes real to them; that “conversion experience” I was talking about. I just haven’t had it. In church Sunday, Pastor Ron was somewhat discussing this topic, and about how for most people, finding Jesus isn’t a “defining moment.” Some people realize that they’ve found God when looking at their lives in hindsight. Maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen to me.

I guess what would bottle the whole thing up for me is that while I believe God is real, I wonder sometimes what makes him real TO ME. I always hear people testifying about how “He woke me up this morning and started me on my way,” etc., but for me, that’s not enough. My eyes opening this morning isn’t enough for me to feel the realness of God. Could I be taking things for granted? Of course…and I’m sure a big part of me is, but that just doesn’t move me.

I’m trying to figure this all out, and it’s a journey for me. It’s especially hard for me because in a lot of ways I feel inadequate, and I hate that. I used to not really understand this song by John Legend – “Show Me”. I mean I got the general gist of the song, but a part of me didn’t understand the feeling behind it. After a conversation tonight, I more than understand. It’s crazy because it’s almost all that I could think about. Like I said, maybe it’s because I’m from Missouri. Is what’s written in this blog a reflection of that?

If so, I wish I weren’t.

Assuming…it makes an ass out of…you

So…like…why do people always feel like they can fault you when you don’t live up to their assumptions? No, I didn’t say expectations, I said assumptions. How you gon be upset with me because I didn’t do what you THOUGHT or ASSUMED I was gon do? Maybe I’m missing something, but why is it my fault?  Thoughts?